Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Juice on Adverstising



what does this mean? (it's an honest question.) it seems that the advertisers have abandoned acknowledgement, humor, and meaning in their pursuit to get me to purchase their product. what is their product? even more, what do they want me to do with it? I feel like if I pursue the questions further, I'll be the cause of some unforced armegedon. and still, I wonder what they want from me... I'm totally confused and long for London. F. U. DR.!

what does this mean? (it's an honest question.) it seems that the advertisers have abandoned acknowledgement, humor, and meaning in their pursuit to get me to purchase their product. what is their product? even more, what do they want me to do with it? I feel like if I pursue the questions further, I'll be the cause of some unforced armegedon. and still, I wonder what they want from me... I'm totally confused and long for London. F. U. DR.!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Juice Reviews The Hangover



The Hangover. The Lameover. The Boringover. The Two-Hours-Of-My-Life-I’m-Not-Going-To-Get-Back-Over. The Half-Way-Through-I-Wish-It-Was-Over-Over. see what i’m getting at? which is not to say, i didn’t laugh. the fat guy with the beard? total pisser. except the scene’s where he shows his bum. quite unnecessary. and incidentally, when did unattractive male nudity become comedy vogue? i’m supposed to giggle when i see a fat man’s bum? no thank you. but i did have a serious laugh at that photo of him getting his knob popped by a pilipino fifty-something.
the reason i wasn’t completely entertained was none of it was new to me. if i had a dime for every time I woke up, strung out, wondering how the bloody hell i got where i was, i’d have… lots and lots of dimes. ok, maybe not a boxer’s tiger, but i can tell you about a few gentleman’s goats that have been mistreated, by male and female alike. and their missing friend seemed a bit on the retard side. if a grown man can’t get himself off a vegas rooftop, he doesn’t deserve to be in the town to begin with.
in fact, we’ve lost dylan at least a dozen times. poor bastard just keeps finding his way back. i do get the sense of urgency with the wedding and all, but it would have been a lot funnier if the chap had disappeared on his own, simple because marriage is load of bullshit. that’s what happened to the SEXually. we had a guitar player pull a runner several times. we had to go looking for him, all on the count that he didn’t want to be a rock star anymore. the funny shit that went down on those episodes, you have no idea. and i would tell you all about them, save that there’s a few lawsuits pending, and my lawyer, Evil-in Harden (who incidentally, is a way better villain than the tiny angry asian from the film) said, “absolutely NOT! juice, it’s high time you pulled that juvenile head out of your over-sexed ass [not what you think] and got busy with the resurrection of your flailing career!” but all that’s a different matter isn’t it? anyway, the aforementioned story i refer to ends with me wondering, why are all these police officers in my bedroom?
one last thing: learn to handle a hangover, mates.; act like you’ve been there before.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Juice from The SEXually picks his favorite You Tube Video



this video carries with it a degree of sexual brilliance to which i can only aspire. the ironic and tantalizing expression of the sex industry via plastic dolls is unrivaled. it's like being at a strip club in the basement of a Toys R Us. i only wish i could see behind those pesky black boxes. enjoy, luv. - JUICE

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Juice from The SEXually Goes to the Met





"i went to a museum on saturday; only god knows how I survived it- like watching paint dry in a church. there were lots of statues among some egyptian ruins- snooze it; thanks, but not. lots of pictures of dead people, loads of my english descendants- i quite like that fuex military thing they had going for a bit (note to stylist: viet nam green meets Elizabethan military). there were loads of shots of baby Jesus and his mother; quite fetching were the ones sans the baby- like, as soon as she became a single mother, not so much. more pictures of dead people, and more after that. made me quite sleepy, actually. i practically passed out from exhaustion within the first fifteen minutes of entering. [right, well, I should preface my whole reason for being there in the first place was because I was talkin to this bird walkin down the street- ‘bout eleven A in the M, coming home from the night before. so we was chattin it up- blasé blasé- and I end up walkin into the Met (the metropolitan museum of art, thank you very much). well, turns out the bird had a geeza, but by the time I figured it, I was fully trapped inside. it’s impossible to find your way out of such places, very much like a bloody Ikea. we did an event at an Ikea once. opened a store in rotterdam. retarded place, that is. gave us furniture as payment (really poor management back then). furniture lasted about as long as a relationship with a groupie.]

anyway, I stumble on this francis bacon exhibit. little did i know, it was right near the front door. had i known, i would have been out like a sprout. now, bacon was english, born in london, 1920’s. rich family; father was a bit of a bully. i remembered this from the crap grammar academy i went to as a kid. they wouldn't let us look at his paintings cause they were a bit too racy for youthful eyes. well, one of me mates tells me later, bacon was into men, and that’s the reason they didn’t show us. they didn’t want to get us gayed up- like that could happen. for me, well, whateva, you know? (whateva drives the art, is what i mean.) what really intrigued me was that bacon liked his sex rough. privy to it myself, luv, if given the chance. see, but bacon was beat by his father. and he saw a lot of violence in his life time- living in europe during WWII says enough. i think i can understand why he might want to create that scenario. but I wasn’t beat by my father- mine ignored me. the only violence i see is created by myself, or me band mates, like in a bar fight, or that little mishap that happened with the special kids on the tube that strange easter sunday. those oddities, and while i’m in bed, when i happen upon a girl who shares the same proclivities. even then, it’s controlled violence, mutual by all accounts. [please stop judging me, it’s really not necessary. it is what it is and i am what i am. things as they are.] but I digress…
bacon uses great color, weird form, and a completely compelling subject matter- check out that shite about pope innocent X; F’d up, to say the least. and here i am, feeling quite okay about my own F’d up misogynistic lyrics. not so bad, bacon. thanks for sharing!"