Season 2, Episode 2

SEASON 2, EPISODE 2: HARD BASTARD
An interview with Julian. He's vicious.

Season 2, Episode 1

Season 2, Episode 1 - Rapture Happens. Get to know the mates in the band. First up Johnnie!

The SEXually's New Years Bender: a juiced journal (of sorts).

What's today's date? Well, not that it matters.

Dec. 31st- 10 pm, Got blown by the bartender at Terminal 5. We opened the show that night. Johnny showed up, which was nice, seeing that he is the guitar player and all. And he was good. No, he was great! It was our first gig in the states and I think '07 is going to be a great year for us.

What's that? '09? Really? F---ing, hell!

Ok. New resolution for me and the band. We are going to get this whole time thing under control. Basically, I think we're still celebrating our U.K. hit from '06.

Jan. 1st, 1:30 a.m. A fresh supply of Barry White rolled into the green room. Enough to kill a horse… if horses did blow. 1:30 pm. We finally got the bathroom door unlocked and got most of our goods back from Johnnie. Happy New Year! 4:30 pm. Everyone was feeling kind of tired, so we headed to an after after after party in the Bowery, where we mixed our cocaine with Ridilin and espresso infused tequila. There was a bird there that said she could love me forever. Turns out that I could only love her for forty-five minutes.

We were supposed to play some corporate funded gig, set up by our super lawyer, Evil-in Hard(en). When we got there, the big boss of the corporate crap show, came to great us. His daughter lived in London when we were on the top of the pops. She was a big fan. I think at one point I may have- never mind. Anyway, Johnnie tossed his cookies into the big boss's lap and when the wanker demanded an apology, Johnnie threw up on him again. Then he started crying (Johnnie cries a lot). So, Julian's laughing, right. And the corporate asshole got all mad and start yelling at us. Then Julian punched one of them right in his dick. Not in his face. In his man parts. Needless to say, Evil-in was not pleased. Jane helped clean the vomit. Not that any of it mattered, because Dylan didn't show up- something about "not pandering to the corporate overlords-" so we couldn't have played anyway.

Jan. 2nd, 2:30 am. Still reeling from our choice of drugs on the 1st (see 4:30pm), we sat in a shit hole of pub in the East Village. I think it was KGB bar. Dylan was not happy! He wouldn't shut up about the KGB still existing and that the pub, with pictures of Marx on the wall was evidence. Julian left briefly and came back with a handful of Ambian. Did you know that if you take Ambain and DON'T go to sleep, it acts very much like a hallucinogen? Which brings us too…

Jan. 2nd, 12:15 pm. I don't know exactly how we ended up in the Hamptons, but I didn't mind, as we ended up finding a bed to crash in. I found myself with a moderately attractive trust-fund-floozy, who had an ample bosom and was quite adept with her mouth, if you know what I mean, which led me to assume she was of the Jewish persuasion (it's a stereo type, yes, but having been in NY for a few months now, I'm finding it to be quite true).

I rather like the ocean in the winter. It's empty and cold, very much like my mother's heart.

Jan 4th 11:12 pm We capped our New Years Celebration by having dinner at our lawyer's house. She was not too happy about it when she got there. Jane made it all better by putting a Zannie in Evil-in's water.

Jan 5th 8:30 am. And we all laid down for a long winter's nap. When we came out of our slumber it seemed a week or two later…

Happy New Year! Look for more sexcapades and rude behavior from the band in '09!

-Juice

Tonight: The Sexually Has Dinner!

This evening, the band will unite once again - and this time it's over ribs. As they chow down on some down-home cooking, the mates will discuss their feelings on the holiday season, Santa and whiskey.



Can they remain in a room together long enough to get some footage... only time with tell.




Prepare to celebrate the holiday season with The Sexually!

in their words

The band discovered some photos of them lying around and felt the need to comment. Here are some of their thoughts, in their words.


the pink underwear is to remind myself that men can indeed wear pink, under certain circumstances, when girls are around... and they ask you to wear pink underwear. we ARE the SEXually! -juice


yes, it looks fun, luv. but it takes two zolofts and a half a bottle of whiskey to get a smile out of me when johnnie's in the room. he's actually biting me. - juice


yes, i'm johnnie napalm. back in the public eye. yes, i used to be a rockstar. but i've been to rockstar anonymous and i'm cured. no longer will i torture the world with my songs about my own tortured soul. from here on out (i'm going solo, luv) it will only be songs about peace and happiness and my desire to copulate with planet earth. i don't need a band to do that. one day, me, johnnie napalm, will have the courage to sing about my lover's butt. and the world will rejoice, in me... and my lover's butt. - johnnie napalm.


my name is Dylan Bob (unlawfully pictured left). my band mates, Johhnie (right) and Julianne (center) are always having a laugh at my expense. one of these days they'll find a vintage car bomb in their trousers. Then who's laughing, mates? ...me. i think. yeah, definatetly me. yeah. - dylan


t's difficult, being the front man in an international rock band. all the late nights, boozing and drugging with celebrities and models. a fella gets exhausted, keeping up with all the sexually active women i encounter. that's why i get at least twenty-four hours of sleep a week, preferably on wednesday. - juice

WATCH EPISODE 1 HERE

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