Friday, September 18, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Juice: Lost In Central Park (Part 1)

Juice - the frontman of The Sexually finds himself lost in Central Park with no assistants around him. Can he get home?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Sexually Starts Shooting Season 3

Last night the cast and crew of The Sexually got together to begin shooting Season 3 of the show. It seems, things between Juice and Johnnie have degraded to such a low point that Evelyn demands that the band go to therapy.

If it worked for Metallica, maybe it could work for The Sexually as well!

Can the boys be tamed and understand their feelings?

Watch and see...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

have they buried michael jackson yet?

he’s dead, in case you hadn’t heard. as much as i’ve tried to refrain from commenting about it, trying my hardest to not be a tweet-ard, naively believing the general public actually cares what i think about life and it’s mundane events, i can’t withhold myself any longer.
even growing up in the u.k., i knew michael Jackson was the greatest; fourth in the line of god-like entertainers, the game changers: sinatra, elvis, john-paul-george-ringo, then michael… with no one to replace him. i call him michael and you know who i mean. simply because he was so brilliant for so long. there is no other michael like him. he, much like myself, deserves first name only treatment. besides, i can’t bring myself  to use any of his other nick names. king of pop, white mike, boy bugger, wacho jacko, bla, bla. and i certainly can’t use m.j. there’s only one m.j. in my life. mimi jenkins, who gave me the nickname juice. she had a fantastic set of fun bags, letting me enjoy them as often as i chose. believe me, I chose, often. we never actually had sex, me and m.j., but I fit her with many a pearl necklace. she was a bit on the silly side, referring to my sperms as “juice.” the mates got wind of my fetish and the name never left. she will forever be my m.j.
michael’s timeline to greatness is significantly aligned with mine. He was born whenever, made his brother’s famous soon after. then, in 1979, released the most amazing of albums, “off the wall.” as my mother tells it, i was conceived in the back a coke den turned night club, while shagging to “don’t stop til you get enough.” she said it was either that night or the next night, when she was acting out led zeppelin’s 1979 swan song, “in through the out door.” since i’m quite certain you can’t get a stork visit by doing a f~*k in a lady’s bum, i think it was her first inclination upon which i entered the world.
btw, have you ever seen the video for “don’t stop?” pure magic. this is full on young black michael, dancing by himself in front of some crap late seventies video effect (or is it affect? never quite remember that one). he’s in a tuxedo, sleeves pulled up, trademark short pants, white socks revealed. really! name one person who can pull off black trousers and white socks. name one! right, well there was that one kid in my used to do it, but he got the shit punched out of him daily. michael did it for twenty years and people thought he was cool for it. a special nod to that, i say.
in 1980, the year i’m born, michael wins a grammy. in 1982, “thriller” is released, selling some fifty million copies. coincidentally, more than twenty men in the greater london area dedicate the song “billy jean” to my mum (“the kiiiiiiiiiiid is not my son!”). not such a good feeling, actually. thank you, michael (insert sarcastic tone here). but he redeemed himself by giving me the life anthem p.y.t. (pretty young thing). yes, i was young when i first heard it, but i knew what it meant. and if i had two pence for every time i thought/sang, “i want to love you, pyt, pretty young thing, i’ll violate you, pyt, pretty young thing, i’ll make you suffer, pyt, I’ll take you theeeeeere…” i quite like it still to this day. thank you., michael.
in 1988, on my eighth birthday, i received a copy of “bad” from a nancy uncle. i didn’t much care for it, if i’m honest. had a flare for the rock n’ roll coming from the states- guns n’ roses, motley crue, anvil, you name it.  however, i have to say, when i eventually saw the video for “the way you make me feel,” i gave it another listen. actually, truth be told, i gave it another watch, again and again and again.
the heavenly femme in that video! god have mercy on my genitals. yes, micheal looked good, no doubt. little white sash belt, the blue button down opened up on a white tee, and, not to be redundant, the short black pants revealing the white socks (turns out he had me paying attention to fashion and performance as well). the girl, that video, changed everything- my whole life, upside down. without a doubt, my sexuality was born that day. it’s the only video where i viewed michael’s dancing as a distraction. it might be safe to say that all my addictions to beautiful women started right there, when i was just eight years old. it was monumental, to say the least. in short, it was the first time in my life i understood why a man would want to give a woman a polish bike ride.
    i used to have this reoccurring daydream that put me in the middle of the chorus for the “free are the whirls,” video that all the great pop stars of the eighties were in. i’d pretend I was standing between kenny loggins and bob dylan, and me and bob were making fun of kenny (i was like, “nice mullet, kenny.” and bob was like, “yeah, no it’s not.” and we would laugh, cause we was stoned off our asses.). but then kenny roger’s turned around and thought we was makin’ fun of him. (i was like, “no way, mate. you’re the gambler!” and bob was like, “hey, juice, let’s go smoke more pot.” and i was like, “yeah, mate, sukit mike.”) and then everyone started singing, “free are the whirls!”
i kind of stopped paying mind to older crazy white michael, which i’m quite glad for. look around your own life. i bet you can put a keen eye on quite a number of people who went nutter as they got older, and they weren’t even famous. fame does f~*ked up shit to people. look at johnnie (he’s the talented guitarist in my rock band, the SEXually).  a few big hits in the u.k., a side bar blurb from “guitar one” magazine, and all of a sudden he’s the next coming of jimmy f~*king page. Soon thereafter, he developed a new found pension for drugs and trannies. my point is, unless you’ve been globally famous, don’t judge a man for changing the color of skin, buying the bones of the elephant man, getting at least five nose jobs, and dangling his infant son from a four story balcony. what’s the big deal about that anyhow? we once dangled dylan from the eiffel tower, which people thought was quite funny (and by people, i mean me and julian).
so, here i am, acknowledging the man’s greatness. he was a powerful influence on my life. i’ll be forever grateful to young black michael! and i’m somewhat thankful for white mike as well. actually, i learned from him three vital things: 1. talent is born, not created. 2. if you’re lucky enough to be born with said talent, you can wear whatever the hell you want, including surgical masks and pajamas in public. 3. if your natural talent brings you immense wealth, there’s no end to the amount of crazy people will tolerate.
thanks, michael!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Juice reviews band of horses (acoustic)

because my guitar player still qualifies as psychologically inept and we haven’t started recording a new album yet, let alone play live gigs, i’ve been forced to write for this crap blog, reviewing live shows. a few weeks back i went to see band of horses, acoustic, at carnegie hall.
band of horses (great). carnegie hall (cool for them). acoustic (lies!) every member of the eight person band was plugged into something. there were cords and pedals everywhere. stacks of amps, roadies running in and out; so much so, they could of billed it as an anti-acoustic show. it only occurs to me now, that maybe it was the american hipster irony at work. makes sense, the hall was filled to the teeth with “hipsters,” the self-righteous, indie culture mavens from brooklyn. half the bars in williamsburg must have been empty that night. but rightfully so! the band of horses deserve to be listened to live, and doing so at carnegie hall was quite a treat. despite the fact that it was incorrectly billed, i loved the show.

they started off a bit slow for my taste, and it continued to go that way through the first half of the set. in fact, ‘bout six songs in, one of williamsburg’s finest yelped, “pick up the pace.” to which horses front man, ben bridwell, replied, “this one’s for you,” and proceeded to play their slowest, saddest song. i liked that move. F the audience, i say. and to that wanker who dared dictate the band’s set, i hope you come to a SEXually show one day. if you do, try and get to the front row. i’d like to have a piss on your head.

rest of the show was brilliant, as they eventually did pick up the pace. they even had a real nice look about them, all bearded, wearing skinny jeans and flannels. they got this whole brooklyn jesus thing going. there was bridwell, the lead brooklyn jesus. and the other guy, fat brooklyn jesus (sorry, “heavy set” brooklyn jesus is what i meant). they had drummer brooklyn jesus, several back up brooklyn jesus. they even had a cowboy brooklyn jesus. made me want to do a whole punk brooklyn jesus thing. [note to stylist: potato sacks, sewn into butt tight pants. wooden cross as a back satchel. crown of thorns, but made from heroine needles.] i wish i could grow a beard the way johnnie can. [note to doctor: can full body laser hair removal be reversed? i’ve grown bored with that fetish anyhow.]

it was a bit stuffy to watch a show at c hall. all of it was sitting down, even during the encore. and there was a phone nazi, making sure we didn’t communicate to the outside world. “not even so much as a tweet,” he said to me, waggin his finger back and forth like a sex toy. worst of all, no booze at the seats. really? I mean, come on! quite the stupid little rule, no? I was about to pull my alcohol handicap card, which allows me to drink anywhere i need to, but there was this guy in front of me, a drunk brooklyn jesus, who brought his own pint of whiskey. he got so drunk, i was able to snatch his bottle and convince him the phone nazi took it.
i have to admit, it’d be really grand to play carnegie hall one day. [note to self: play carnegie hall. vomit on stage. might be a first.] it wasn’t until half way through the show that I noticed that the entire band (of horses) was standing on asian carpets. Is that a hall thing, or horses thing? [note to evelyn: a rider in all my contracts that I must perform on asain carpets. this includes ALL concerts, interviews (even with police), and the many various appearances, even if it’s just in my apartment, pretending in front of the mirror.] thank you.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Juice on Adverstising

what does this mean? (it's an honest question.) it seems that the advertisers have abandoned acknowledgement, humor, and meaning in their pursuit to get me to purchase their product. what is their product? even more, what do they want me to do with it? I feel like if I pursue the questions further, I'll be the cause of some unforced armegedon. and still, I wonder what they want from me... I'm totally confused and long for London. F. U. DR.!

what does this mean? (it's an honest question.) it seems that the advertisers have abandoned acknowledgement, humor, and meaning in their pursuit to get me to purchase their product. what is their product? even more, what do they want me to do with it? I feel like if I pursue the questions further, I'll be the cause of some unforced armegedon. and still, I wonder what they want from me... I'm totally confused and long for London. F. U. DR.!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Juice Reviews The Hangover

The Hangover. The Lameover. The Boringover. The Two-Hours-Of-My-Life-I’m-Not-Going-To-Get-Back-Over. The Half-Way-Through-I-Wish-It-Was-Over-Over. see what i’m getting at? which is not to say, i didn’t laugh. the fat guy with the beard? total pisser. except the scene’s where he shows his bum. quite unnecessary. and incidentally, when did unattractive male nudity become comedy vogue? i’m supposed to giggle when i see a fat man’s bum? no thank you. but i did have a serious laugh at that photo of him getting his knob popped by a pilipino fifty-something.
the reason i wasn’t completely entertained was none of it was new to me. if i had a dime for every time I woke up, strung out, wondering how the bloody hell i got where i was, i’d have… lots and lots of dimes. ok, maybe not a boxer’s tiger, but i can tell you about a few gentleman’s goats that have been mistreated, by male and female alike. and their missing friend seemed a bit on the retard side. if a grown man can’t get himself off a vegas rooftop, he doesn’t deserve to be in the town to begin with.
in fact, we’ve lost dylan at least a dozen times. poor bastard just keeps finding his way back. i do get the sense of urgency with the wedding and all, but it would have been a lot funnier if the chap had disappeared on his own, simple because marriage is load of bullshit. that’s what happened to the SEXually. we had a guitar player pull a runner several times. we had to go looking for him, all on the count that he didn’t want to be a rock star anymore. the funny shit that went down on those episodes, you have no idea. and i would tell you all about them, save that there’s a few lawsuits pending, and my lawyer, Evil-in Harden (who incidentally, is a way better villain than the tiny angry asian from the film) said, “absolutely NOT! juice, it’s high time you pulled that juvenile head out of your over-sexed ass [not what you think] and got busy with the resurrection of your flailing career!” but all that’s a different matter isn’t it? anyway, the aforementioned story i refer to ends with me wondering, why are all these police officers in my bedroom?
one last thing: learn to handle a hangover, mates.; act like you’ve been there before.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Juice from The SEXually picks his favorite You Tube Video

this video carries with it a degree of sexual brilliance to which i can only aspire. the ironic and tantalizing expression of the sex industry via plastic dolls is unrivaled. it's like being at a strip club in the basement of a Toys R Us. i only wish i could see behind those pesky black boxes. enjoy, luv. - JUICE

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Juice from The SEXually Goes to the Met

"i went to a museum on saturday; only god knows how I survived it- like watching paint dry in a church. there were lots of statues among some egyptian ruins- snooze it; thanks, but not. lots of pictures of dead people, loads of my english descendants- i quite like that fuex military thing they had going for a bit (note to stylist: viet nam green meets Elizabethan military). there were loads of shots of baby Jesus and his mother; quite fetching were the ones sans the baby- like, as soon as she became a single mother, not so much. more pictures of dead people, and more after that. made me quite sleepy, actually. i practically passed out from exhaustion within the first fifteen minutes of entering. [right, well, I should preface my whole reason for being there in the first place was because I was talkin to this bird walkin down the street- ‘bout eleven A in the M, coming home from the night before. so we was chattin it up- blasé blasé- and I end up walkin into the Met (the metropolitan museum of art, thank you very much). well, turns out the bird had a geeza, but by the time I figured it, I was fully trapped inside. it’s impossible to find your way out of such places, very much like a bloody Ikea. we did an event at an Ikea once. opened a store in rotterdam. retarded place, that is. gave us furniture as payment (really poor management back then). furniture lasted about as long as a relationship with a groupie.]

anyway, I stumble on this francis bacon exhibit. little did i know, it was right near the front door. had i known, i would have been out like a sprout. now, bacon was english, born in london, 1920’s. rich family; father was a bit of a bully. i remembered this from the crap grammar academy i went to as a kid. they wouldn't let us look at his paintings cause they were a bit too racy for youthful eyes. well, one of me mates tells me later, bacon was into men, and that’s the reason they didn’t show us. they didn’t want to get us gayed up- like that could happen. for me, well, whateva, you know? (whateva drives the art, is what i mean.) what really intrigued me was that bacon liked his sex rough. privy to it myself, luv, if given the chance. see, but bacon was beat by his father. and he saw a lot of violence in his life time- living in europe during WWII says enough. i think i can understand why he might want to create that scenario. but I wasn’t beat by my father- mine ignored me. the only violence i see is created by myself, or me band mates, like in a bar fight, or that little mishap that happened with the special kids on the tube that strange easter sunday. those oddities, and while i’m in bed, when i happen upon a girl who shares the same proclivities. even then, it’s controlled violence, mutual by all accounts. [please stop judging me, it’s really not necessary. it is what it is and i am what i am. things as they are.] but I digress…
bacon uses great color, weird form, and a completely compelling subject matter- check out that shite about pope innocent X; F’d up, to say the least. and here i am, feeling quite okay about my own F’d up misogynistic lyrics. not so bad, bacon. thanks for sharing!"

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Sexually To Play Again

Look out music lovers... The Sexually is due to begin shooting once again! The crew is headed to therapy to work out some of their issues. That being said, you don't need to worry - they'll still be the sex-crazed, drunken, drug addicts that you've come to know and love.

More to come!

To watch previous episodes, go to: The Sexually

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Sexually - Season 2- Episode 5

The Sexually: Season 2, Episode 5... A Sexual Dream

Juice has a dream sequence...

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Sexually: Season 2, Episode 4

Season 2, Episode 4: Lost, Found & Felated

Johnny explains how he become the greatest musician of his time.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Watch Season 2, Episode 1

Season 2
Episode 1: Rapture Happens
The Sexually must find their missing member, Johnnie, before they can begin their journey.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Special Invite for "The Sexually" and "The In-Betweens of Holly Malone"

I got a pretty interesting email this morning from a whole other continent! No, I'm not referring to an email from Nigeria in which I'm told I'm the last living beneficiary for like, a ga-billion dollars, this was an actual REAL offer. A representative from The Portable Film Festival located in Melbourne, Australia asked us if the could include both The Sexually and The In-Betweens of Holly Malone in their festival! They said they just happened to come upon them and loved them both!

The Australians love us! Awesome!

Check out this fest at:

And, as always, check out our three webseries at:

Friday, March 20, 2009

Watch Season 2, Episode 4 - Lost, Found & Felated

Season 2, Episode 4: Lost, Found & Felated
Johnny explains how he become the greatest musician of his time.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009

What Constitutes A Season

Since Webseries are still very much like the Wild West, they don't necessarily follow the same models that are displayed by television shows. This brings up a very interesting question: How do you differentiate between seasons?

For In the Can, the answer is simple. We write each season - with a finite number of episodes in blocks. Because of this, we know what we want to happen in any given Season: there is a very clear through line. Since we have the hopes that In the Can will have a life as a half hour show, we break each season down and call it an episode. This "episode" is then made up of parts. When those parts are strung together you have a season. For instance - Season 1 (Episode One) is made up of 7 episodes (or parts). Got it? Wow, it seems much more confusing now that I've written it.

Watch it at:

For The Sexually, we have a similar game plan. We know the outline of a season and then Jeff writes the episodes and we throw in a bunch of improved sketches. The sketches came out of need to create content while competing with busy schedules. Out of necessity, these created a great place for the boys to really stretch out their characters and provide us with a lot of backstory that we no longer need to jam into a three minute episode. Even though this was our master plan, our story lines have changed as the series has developed. We didn't conceive of the park episodes until we realized we needed a through line. Since we started filming the improved interviews, and the boys brought such intricicacies to their characters, Jeff needed to weave it all together. Thus the park scenes. So...breaking down the sexually so far has been a bit tougher. I look at Season 1 as the Lawyer office episodes and the Central Park episodes. Season 2 are the interviews. Moving forward we have a more clear cut idea of the next couple of seasons - Season 3 brings the boys to therapy. We will still feature both improv and scripted episodes, but they will have a central focus behind them.

Watch it at:

This brings us to The In-Betweens of Holly Malone. When we started Holly, we had a lot to learn. She was our flagship show, and we were still getting our feet wet on creating the language of a webseries. The first season of Holly - episodes 1 through 17 have a clear over arching story line. As we progressed, we realized that fast and funny was best and that our audience was willing to overlook certain expositional plot points in exchange for funny jokes. We also learned to keep the episodes current. Now we have jokes about the Oscars, politics and the economy. Right now we're still in Season 2 of Holly, but this season could go on indefinitely. Since we haven't delineated the idea of what marks a season in Holly, we're likely to just keep creating and not worrying about seasons.

Watch it here:

However, these theories could all go out the window as each series develops!

In other news, we've been tossing around ideas to combine all three series into an "On the Leesh Webseries Special." We don't have a plot line yet, but our idea is that all the characters would meet and interact. Imagine Holly up against Johnnie or Juice with Phillipa...

Stay Tuned!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Growing Pains: A Web Story

A few years ago we developed the website that you see when you visit We were still small at that point - smaller than we are now. We had just one web series under our belt, and only a few episodes at that. We had only completed five short films, and we hadn't begun to span into the realm of instructional videos at all. As we've grown and continued to develop our products, we have pushed our website to the brink.

We are redesigning! We have hired a wonderful programmer, Noah Diamond. He has started to reformat the website piece by piece. Our first goal has been to create a web page for each of our web series that reflects the tone and feel of that show. Noah started with The In-Betweens of Holly Malone, and has since taken on In the Can.

Our next hurdle is our third web series, The Sexually, and then we need to create a more in-depth page for clients to look at for information about our corporate/instructional video services.

After this work is completed, our goal is to reformat the whole website. It's going to be about a six month process. So please check back periodically for new updates.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day

We’ve all been there. A person we’ve been around for quite some time, or at least long enough for some kind of familiarity, yet we don’t know their name. Well, more than ever, particularly in the week following Valentine’s Day, I’m suffering through with very little sensitivity to the parties opposite me in this quandary. You see, I know who you are, luv. I might even know your exact breast size, or the specific way I can please you, I just don’t know your name.

Thank god that this year the celebration of sex and romance fell on the weekend. It enabled me to have two early Valentine romps, one Thursday, one Friday (which quite annoyingly carried into Saturday). On the actual day of celebrating the Saint, I engage in sinning with two lovelies, who seemed very content to share in my prowess. After all, sharing love and sweaty affection is the essence of the day, right? Not leaving out Sunday, I was able to extend myself into yet another moment of debauchery, this one appropriately including loads of chocolate, though not much of it was eaten (well, at least in the way you one would traditionally do so). But I digress.

The following Friday, I was approached by a fantastic ginger, who seemed quite angry with me for not seeing/calling/sexing her on the aforementioned day of affection, which I found odd, because at first glance, I was certain I did not know her. At second glance, a quick peek at the flesh under her left hip bone, revealing a bite mark (mine, to be exact), I understood that I did know her. But, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, I did not know her name. And you’d think I would say, that I did not REMEMEBER her name, but that would be a lie. I never knew her name from the start. I don’t find this to be shameful, per say, but I am a bit embarrassed by it. I mean, knowing a woman, in the biblical sense of the term, should preclude that I have a general idea of what to call her when engaged in public or non-sexual situations.

I do have a defense, if you care to hear it. When we met, she would not tell me her name. Soon after, when we engaged in skin-to-skin combat (the reason for the bite mark), she was adamant that I call her Pet.

She had enjoyed my compliance so much that she wanted to see me again, and again, and again. She was quite pissed that I did not call her. So there I was, standing at the bar, apologizing, and saying, Happy Belated Valentine’s Day…whatever your name is.


Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday, February 13, 2009

Things I've Learned About, Producing for the Web

When we first started producing The In-Betweens of Holly Malone, in 2005, web-series were such uncharted territory, they didn't even have a real name yet. We were calling them nano-series. There were a few serial based programs on the web, but mostly the web was a place where you'd look for one-off entertainment involving people falling down, exploding mentos or the like. We've learned a lot of things over the past few years, and I wanted to share some information for those who are interested in starting their own series.

1. Get in and get out.
When watching programs on the web, people have a very short attention span. Think music video. People will generally give you about 3 minutes of their time before they click off. Now what's strange is people are more willing to watch four three minute episodes than one twelve minute video. I can't tell you why this happens, as I am not a scientist, but this is what we've learned time and again. Three minutes is a magic number.

2. Comedy plays better than drama.
To this day, I've only seen a couple of dramatic web-series. Typically, people seek out comedic content on the internet. Perhaps it's not such a leap from looking up a funny video on youtube, to watching a serialized story. This may change over the next few years, but for now, aim for comedy.

3. People are willing to forgive more on the internet.
Production value is a key factor that you should always have in mind. If something sounds like it's down a very hollow tunnel, or it's not in focus, people won't be interested. However, the type of camera that you use is not as important. People are used to watching videos posted by flip cameras on blogs, so you don't need the highest state of the art HD camera that George Lucas will be using to film his next Star Wars saga. Use what you can get your hands on, and make sure it's produced well. Story tends to outweigh production design.

4. Consistency is important.
For anything to gain a following, you need to maintain a consistent posting schedule. We try to post every other week, but if you are able to post weekly, that's ideal. Just don't post weekly for four weeks and then have nothing for three weeks and start posting again. It is better to post every other week and not have a lag in between. Also, plan on having at least three months of content - though six is ideal. You need time to build a following. You don't want to start to get interest and then have nothing left to post.

This means that when working on web content, you are likely to be working on it for a long time. Which brings me to my last point.

5. Make sure you have fun
Since this content is something you're likely to live with for at least 3 months, but closer to 6, make sure you pick material that you like to work on. Work with people who you have a good time with, and keep a clear perspective on the whole process. As it stands right now, you're not likely to make a lot of money working on a web-series. There are definite benefits, but getting labelled the next Bill Gates isn't one of them.

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Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday, January 30, 2009

The Sexually - Episode 4

Episode 4
Band mates decide to use an "Intuitive" psychic to find Johnny.

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Friday, January 23, 2009

OTL's Webseries on Tivo

On the Leesh is proud to announce that, through a partnership with Koldcast ( our three webseries: The In-Betweens of Holly Malone, In the Can and The Sexually, will be available on Tivos!

We'd like to thank Koldcast for allowing our shows to be a part of this amazing deal!

If you have Tivo, be sure to check them out!

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

The SEXually's New Years Bender: a juiced journal (of sorts).

What's today's date? Well, not that it matters.

Dec. 31st- 10 pm, Got blown by the bartender at Terminal 5. We opened the show that night. Johnny showed up, which was nice, seeing that he is the guitar player and all. And he was good. No, he was great! It was our first gig in the states and I think '07 is going to be a great year for us.

What's that? '09? Really? F---ing, hell!

Ok. New resolution for me and the band. We are going to get this whole time thing under control. Basically, I think we're still celebrating our U.K. hit from '06.

Jan. 1st, 1:30 a.m. A fresh supply of Barry White rolled into the green room. Enough to kill a horse… if horses did blow. 1:30 pm. We finally got the bathroom door unlocked and got most of our goods back from Johnnie. Happy New Year! 4:30 pm. Everyone was feeling kind of tired, so we headed to an after after after party in the Bowery, where we mixed our cocaine with Ridilin and espresso infused tequila. There was a bird there that said she could love me forever. Turns out that I could only love her for forty-five minutes.

We were supposed to play some corporate funded gig, set up by our super lawyer, Evil-in Hard(en). When we got there, the big boss of the corporate crap show, came to great us. His daughter lived in London when we were on the top of the pops. She was a big fan. I think at one point I may have- never mind. Anyway, Johnnie tossed his cookies into the big boss's lap and when the wanker demanded an apology, Johnnie threw up on him again. Then he started crying (Johnnie cries a lot). So, Julian's laughing, right. And the corporate asshole got all mad and start yelling at us. Then Julian punched one of them right in his dick. Not in his face. In his man parts. Needless to say, Evil-in was not pleased. Jane helped clean the vomit. Not that any of it mattered, because Dylan didn't show up- something about "not pandering to the corporate overlords-" so we couldn't have played anyway.

Jan. 2nd, 2:30 am. Still reeling from our choice of drugs on the 1st (see 4:30pm), we sat in a shit hole of pub in the East Village. I think it was KGB bar. Dylan was not happy! He wouldn't shut up about the KGB still existing and that the pub, with pictures of Marx on the wall was evidence. Julian left briefly and came back with a handful of Ambian. Did you know that if you take Ambain and DON'T go to sleep, it acts very much like a hallucinogen? Which brings us too…

Jan. 2nd, 12:15 pm. I don't know exactly how we ended up in the Hamptons, but I didn't mind, as we ended up finding a bed to crash in. I found myself with a moderately attractive trust-fund-floozy, who had an ample bosom and was quite adept with her mouth, if you know what I mean, which led me to assume she was of the Jewish persuasion (it's a stereo type, yes, but having been in NY for a few months now, I'm finding it to be quite true).

I rather like the ocean in the winter. It's empty and cold, very much like my mother's heart.

Jan 4th 11:12 pm We capped our New Years Celebration by having dinner at our lawyer's house. She was not too happy about it when she got there. Jane made it all better by putting a Zannie in Evil-in's water.

Jan 5th 8:30 am. And we all laid down for a long winter's nap. When we came out of our slumber it seemed a week or two later…

Happy New Year! Look for more sexcapades and rude behavior from the band in '09!


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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Word from the Writer on The SEXually

I'm quite proud of my partnership with ontheleesh productions. In '08 we created and successfully launched a webseries (a first for me. I think it's their hundredth series or something.) Despite some general hygiene issues among the staff, they are an absolute pleasure to work with. Creative, insightful, efficient, and fun, they get the job done and have allowed me the opportunity to wear pink underwear on camera as often as I choose. Well, once, but still.

The aforementioned webseries, the SEXually, is funny and I implore (which is old English for "I'm begging you") to watch it. The concept and shooting style allow for us to have some very talented actors, myself excluded, to flourish and be funny as sh-t! Where we end up, know one knows, but we sure are going to have fun getting there.

In '09 we plan on taking the band to group therapy, where we remind everyone, "if it happens in the woods, it's not gay." Soon after that, the boys will take some time off to abuse recreational drugs, play RockBand, frustrate their super lawyer (every episode), and attempt to create an album. Stay tuned!

Co-creator of the SEXually, Jeff Lycett (a.k.a. Juice)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009 is digging the sexually!

The Chase episode of The Sexually is currently being featured on's homepage! Check out the episode here:


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