The Sexually - Episode 4

Episode 4
Band mates decide to use an "Intuitive" psychic to find Johnny.

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The SEXually's New Years Bender: a juiced journal (of sorts).

What's today's date? Well, not that it matters.

Dec. 31st- 10 pm, Got blown by the bartender at Terminal 5. We opened the show that night. Johnny showed up, which was nice, seeing that he is the guitar player and all. And he was good. No, he was great! It was our first gig in the states and I think '07 is going to be a great year for us.

What's that? '09? Really? F---ing, hell!

Ok. New resolution for me and the band. We are going to get this whole time thing under control. Basically, I think we're still celebrating our U.K. hit from '06.

Jan. 1st, 1:30 a.m. A fresh supply of Barry White rolled into the green room. Enough to kill a horse… if horses did blow. 1:30 pm. We finally got the bathroom door unlocked and got most of our goods back from Johnnie. Happy New Year! 4:30 pm. Everyone was feeling kind of tired, so we headed to an after after after party in the Bowery, where we mixed our cocaine with Ridilin and espresso infused tequila. There was a bird there that said she could love me forever. Turns out that I could only love her for forty-five minutes.

We were supposed to play some corporate funded gig, set up by our super lawyer, Evil-in Hard(en). When we got there, the big boss of the corporate crap show, came to great us. His daughter lived in London when we were on the top of the pops. She was a big fan. I think at one point I may have- never mind. Anyway, Johnnie tossed his cookies into the big boss's lap and when the wanker demanded an apology, Johnnie threw up on him again. Then he started crying (Johnnie cries a lot). So, Julian's laughing, right. And the corporate asshole got all mad and start yelling at us. Then Julian punched one of them right in his dick. Not in his face. In his man parts. Needless to say, Evil-in was not pleased. Jane helped clean the vomit. Not that any of it mattered, because Dylan didn't show up- something about "not pandering to the corporate overlords-" so we couldn't have played anyway.

Jan. 2nd, 2:30 am. Still reeling from our choice of drugs on the 1st (see 4:30pm), we sat in a shit hole of pub in the East Village. I think it was KGB bar. Dylan was not happy! He wouldn't shut up about the KGB still existing and that the pub, with pictures of Marx on the wall was evidence. Julian left briefly and came back with a handful of Ambian. Did you know that if you take Ambain and DON'T go to sleep, it acts very much like a hallucinogen? Which brings us too…

Jan. 2nd, 12:15 pm. I don't know exactly how we ended up in the Hamptons, but I didn't mind, as we ended up finding a bed to crash in. I found myself with a moderately attractive trust-fund-floozy, who had an ample bosom and was quite adept with her mouth, if you know what I mean, which led me to assume she was of the Jewish persuasion (it's a stereo type, yes, but having been in NY for a few months now, I'm finding it to be quite true).

I rather like the ocean in the winter. It's empty and cold, very much like my mother's heart.

Jan 4th 11:12 pm We capped our New Years Celebration by having dinner at our lawyer's house. She was not too happy about it when she got there. Jane made it all better by putting a Zannie in Evil-in's water.

Jan 5th 8:30 am. And we all laid down for a long winter's nap. When we came out of our slumber it seemed a week or two later…

Happy New Year! Look for more sexcapades and rude behavior from the band in '09!

-Juice

A Word from the Writer on The SEXually

I'm quite proud of my partnership with ontheleesh productions. In '08 we created and successfully launched a webseries (a first for me. I think it's their hundredth series or something.) Despite some general hygiene issues among the staff, they are an absolute pleasure to work with. Creative, insightful, efficient, and fun, they get the job done and have allowed me the opportunity to wear pink underwear on camera as often as I choose. Well, once, but still.

The aforementioned webseries, the SEXually, is funny and I implore (which is old English for "I'm begging you") to watch it. The concept and shooting style allow for us to have some very talented actors, myself excluded, to flourish and be funny as sh-t! Where we end up, know one knows, but we sure are going to have fun getting there.

In '09 we plan on taking the band to group therapy, where we remind everyone, "if it happens in the woods, it's not gay." Soon after that, the boys will take some time off to abuse recreational drugs, play RockBand, frustrate their super lawyer (every episode), and attempt to create an album. Stay tuned!

Co-creator of the SEXually, Jeff Lycett (a.k.a. Juice)

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