Juice: Lost In Central Park (Part 1)

Juice - the frontman of The Sexually finds himself lost in Central Park with no assistants around him. Can he get home?

Season 3 of The Sexually

Coming Soon....

The Sexually Starts Shooting Season 3

Last night the cast and crew of The Sexually got together to begin shooting Season 3 of the show. It seems, things between Juice and Johnnie have degraded to such a low point that Evelyn demands that the band go to therapy.




If it worked for Metallica, maybe it could work for The Sexually as well!



Can the boys be tamed and understand their feelings?

Watch and see...

Juice on Adverstising

what does this mean? (it's an honest question.) it seems that the advertisers have abandoned acknowledgement, humor, and meaning in their pursuit to get me to purchase their product. what is their product? even more, what do they want me to do with it? I feel like if I pursue the questions further, I'll be the cause of some unforced armegedon. and still, I wonder what they want from me... I'm totally confused and long for London. F. U. DR.!

what does this mean? (it's an honest question.) it seems that the advertisers have abandoned acknowledgement, humor, and meaning in their pursuit to get me to purchase their product. what is their product? even more, what do they want me to do with it? I feel like if I pursue the questions further, I'll be the cause of some unforced armegedon. and still, I wonder what they want from me... I'm totally confused and long for London. F. U. DR.!

The Sexually To Play Again

Look out music lovers... The Sexually is due to begin shooting once again! The crew is headed to therapy to work out some of their issues. That being said, you don't need to worry - they'll still be the sex-crazed, drunken, drug addicts that you've come to know and love.

More to come!

To watch previous episodes, go to: The Sexually

The Sexually: Season 2, Episode 4

Season 2, Episode 4: Lost, Found & Felated

Johnny explains how he become the greatest musician of his time.

Watch Season 2, Episode 4 - Lost, Found & Felated

Season 2, Episode 4: Lost, Found & Felated
Johnny explains how he become the greatest musician of his time.

Watch Season 2, Episode 3

Episode 3: Pending a Few Lawsuits

Juice talks... and talks...

Click To Play

The Sexually - Episode 4

Episode 4
Band mates decide to use an "Intuitive" psychic to find Johnny.

The SEXually's New Years Bender: a juiced journal (of sorts).

What's today's date? Well, not that it matters.

Dec. 31st- 10 pm, Got blown by the bartender at Terminal 5. We opened the show that night. Johnny showed up, which was nice, seeing that he is the guitar player and all. And he was good. No, he was great! It was our first gig in the states and I think '07 is going to be a great year for us.

What's that? '09? Really? F---ing, hell!

Ok. New resolution for me and the band. We are going to get this whole time thing under control. Basically, I think we're still celebrating our U.K. hit from '06.

Jan. 1st, 1:30 a.m. A fresh supply of Barry White rolled into the green room. Enough to kill a horse… if horses did blow. 1:30 pm. We finally got the bathroom door unlocked and got most of our goods back from Johnnie. Happy New Year! 4:30 pm. Everyone was feeling kind of tired, so we headed to an after after after party in the Bowery, where we mixed our cocaine with Ridilin and espresso infused tequila. There was a bird there that said she could love me forever. Turns out that I could only love her for forty-five minutes.

We were supposed to play some corporate funded gig, set up by our super lawyer, Evil-in Hard(en). When we got there, the big boss of the corporate crap show, came to great us. His daughter lived in London when we were on the top of the pops. She was a big fan. I think at one point I may have- never mind. Anyway, Johnnie tossed his cookies into the big boss's lap and when the wanker demanded an apology, Johnnie threw up on him again. Then he started crying (Johnnie cries a lot). So, Julian's laughing, right. And the corporate asshole got all mad and start yelling at us. Then Julian punched one of them right in his dick. Not in his face. In his man parts. Needless to say, Evil-in was not pleased. Jane helped clean the vomit. Not that any of it mattered, because Dylan didn't show up- something about "not pandering to the corporate overlords-" so we couldn't have played anyway.

Jan. 2nd, 2:30 am. Still reeling from our choice of drugs on the 1st (see 4:30pm), we sat in a shit hole of pub in the East Village. I think it was KGB bar. Dylan was not happy! He wouldn't shut up about the KGB still existing and that the pub, with pictures of Marx on the wall was evidence. Julian left briefly and came back with a handful of Ambian. Did you know that if you take Ambain and DON'T go to sleep, it acts very much like a hallucinogen? Which brings us too…

Jan. 2nd, 12:15 pm. I don't know exactly how we ended up in the Hamptons, but I didn't mind, as we ended up finding a bed to crash in. I found myself with a moderately attractive trust-fund-floozy, who had an ample bosom and was quite adept with her mouth, if you know what I mean, which led me to assume she was of the Jewish persuasion (it's a stereo type, yes, but having been in NY for a few months now, I'm finding it to be quite true).

I rather like the ocean in the winter. It's empty and cold, very much like my mother's heart.

Jan 4th 11:12 pm We capped our New Years Celebration by having dinner at our lawyer's house. She was not too happy about it when she got there. Jane made it all better by putting a Zannie in Evil-in's water.

Jan 5th 8:30 am. And we all laid down for a long winter's nap. When we came out of our slumber it seemed a week or two later…

Happy New Year! Look for more sexcapades and rude behavior from the band in '09!

-Juice

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The Sexually: In Their Own Words

i don't really appreciate the insensitivities of my band mates (if you can even call them that, anymore). they bring me into this room- THIS room! Where the Hell am I? ...in this room, that has a Christmas Tree in it. they know full well how much i absolutely despise any plant that whores itself out for man's special occasions. The Christmas Tree is second only to Roses on the plants that i hate! i'm not looking at it. i won't. i'm not. i will not. i don't care if its feelings are hurt. i'm not talking to it either. go away! ALL OF YOU! [wait. don't go. it's a new hat i have. do you like it?] - johnnie




Dylan (left) and Juice (right) are the first to the table as the band sits down for their first meal together in years. The conversation went as follows:

Dylan: Juice, I'm very glad to be here, but I have a bit of a concern.


Juice: What would that be, mate?

Dylan: I'm concerned you guys are trying to poison me.

Juice: Don't be ridiculous, Dylan. We're all eating from the same plates. How could we poison you?

Dylan: Well, you could use some kind of special poison that doesn't hurt you, but kills me.

Juice: I'm not trying to poison you, Dylan?

Dylan: Oh. Thank you.

Juice: For what?

Dylan: For not trying to poison me.

Juice: You're very welcome. How are the new meds treating you?

Dylan: I stopped taking them.



now that the band has successfully poisoned Dylan, the discuss the best way to get rid of the body.




christmas always makes me horny. not that i'm not that way all year round, but i just find that girls are more in a "party" mood this time of year. it works out for me well. i like to get about two or three girls together at my flat. then after some recreational drug use, i ask them all too... [censored] ...usually they'll so no, but then they'll... [censored] ... which sort of gets me in the mood, so i... [censored] ... and then one of the girls always ends up... [censored] ... so then i... [censored] ...and then they... [censored]. it's lots of fun, really. until someone gets... [censored]. - julian




the great thing about christmas is jack daniels. it helps make everything blurry and unfocused. then i get all tingly inside, kind of frisky, and i start to think of all the blessings in my life, like Gina and Melinda and Greta and Paris and Sasha and Mia and... (merry christmas, luvs!) -juice

Tonight: The Sexually Has Dinner!

This evening, the band will unite once again - and this time it's over ribs. As they chow down on some down-home cooking, the mates will discuss their feelings on the holiday season, Santa and whiskey.



Can they remain in a room together long enough to get some footage... only time with tell.




Prepare to celebrate the holiday season with The Sexually!