Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Sexually: In Their Own Words

i don't really appreciate the insensitivities of my band mates (if you can even call them that, anymore). they bring me into this room- THIS room! Where the Hell am I? this room, that has a Christmas Tree in it. they know full well how much i absolutely despise any plant that whores itself out for man's special occasions. The Christmas Tree is second only to Roses on the plants that i hate! i'm not looking at it. i won't. i'm not. i will not. i don't care if its feelings are hurt. i'm not talking to it either. go away! ALL OF YOU! [wait. don't go. it's a new hat i have. do you like it?] - johnnie

Dylan (left) and Juice (right) are the first to the table as the band sits down for their first meal together in years. The conversation went as follows:

Dylan: Juice, I'm very glad to be here, but I have a bit of a concern.

Juice: What would that be, mate?

Dylan: I'm concerned you guys are trying to poison me.

Juice: Don't be ridiculous, Dylan. We're all eating from the same plates. How could we poison you?

Dylan: Well, you could use some kind of special poison that doesn't hurt you, but kills me.

Juice: I'm not trying to poison you, Dylan?

Dylan: Oh. Thank you.

Juice: For what?

Dylan: For not trying to poison me.

Juice: You're very welcome. How are the new meds treating you?

Dylan: I stopped taking them.

now that the band has successfully poisoned Dylan, the discuss the best way to get rid of the body.

christmas always makes me horny. not that i'm not that way all year round, but i just find that girls are more in a "party" mood this time of year. it works out for me well. i like to get about two or three girls together at my flat. then after some recreational drug use, i ask them all too... [censored] ...usually they'll so no, but then they'll... [censored] ... which sort of gets me in the mood, so i... [censored] ... and then one of the girls always ends up... [censored] ... so then i... [censored] ...and then they... [censored]. it's lots of fun, really. until someone gets... [censored]. - julian

the great thing about christmas is jack daniels. it helps make everything blurry and unfocused. then i get all tingly inside, kind of frisky, and i start to think of all the blessings in my life, like Gina and Melinda and Greta and Paris and Sasha and Mia and... (merry christmas, luvs!) -juice

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